Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so explain again why im purple
no
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am one with the molecules
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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