you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
