I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
