ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
