Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
