Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
