I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
