Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This house was built for laser tag.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
