Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize