i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There r osticjed everywhere
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
