We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
