I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How external is "for external use only"?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
