Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
