btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You need a sexual gate keeper
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
