Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
