It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
