you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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