I am spending my child support on dildos
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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