I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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