you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
