I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize