Im at strip club and am horny
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
