Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
