no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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