i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
