I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
