I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
