i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
