I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
