If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
