dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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