My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
