I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
