She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
