hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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