So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
