You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
