I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
