wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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