Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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