I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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