I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
