Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
