You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got inside last night via doggy door
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
