So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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