He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize