my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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