I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
