Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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