I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
