Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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