We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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