Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize