Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
