if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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