He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
