Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
