The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
