thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
