no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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