the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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