Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
