Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
