on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
