Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
