I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
NoShamevember. You game?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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