i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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