Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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