So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
