She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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