the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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