Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
