I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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