Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Let's get the cat blown out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
