How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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