and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
