How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
