That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
