i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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