fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
