I'm jealous of your bromance
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
