I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
